White Lies
by carlycarter
Summary: Kate/Juliet 'Your sister wants me to tell you that she loves you very much'


White Lies

"Kassandra" 

"You understand this is a temporary position?" The woman explained.

"How temporary?" Kassandra wanted to know.

"It may be a matter of weeks, possibly months."

Kassandra made no reply.

"It's a very sad case." The social worker went on to explain. "The boy's mother is dying of cancer. She hasn't long to live. She is looking for someone to care for the boy in her home, full time, until…. " Her voice trailed off.

"And what will happen to the boy after …" Kassandra couldn't bring herself to say it aloud either.- 'after his mother dies.'

"He will become a ward of the state, in foster care until he is 18."

Kassandra swallowed hard.

"I understand if you're having second thoughts , about the position."

"Not at all, I'm very interested. A temporary position is exactly what I am looking for." Kassandra forced a bright smile upon her face.

From the way the social worker sighed in relief, Kassandra gathered that not many applicants stuck around after that point. Who would want to get involved, to know and love the little boy, only to watch him taken away to foster care after his mother died. And all for only a few weeks worth of wages.

"I'll introduce you." The social worker led her into the garden where the little boy was playing.

Julian was a strikingly beautiful child. With his infectious grin and blond curls framing his angelic face. One look at him, and Kassandra felt it, the instant connection. He stood to his feet, smiling shyly.

"Would you like to see my toys?" He asked, extending his hand to Kassandra.

She took the small hand in her own and allowed the boy to lead her across the garden. Looking down at him, it struck her what a miracle this little boy was. Meeting him, walking hand in hand across the garden in the sunshine, she found her cold and empty heart suddenly filled with hope again.

Rachel. 

The nurse bought Julian to see his mother every night, to say goodnight. So she could kiss him and hug him, listen as he told her all about his day.

"Are you feeling better Mommy?" He would ask each night.

And each night Rachel would reply, "I always feel better when I see my baby boy."

"I'm not a baby." He would protest. And Rachel realised this was true. He was almost 5. Not a baby anymore.

Then they would say their prayers together. Each night the little boy would ask God to make his mommy better, so she could come out in the garden and play with him. His prayers never changed from night to night, he asked for the same solitary thing repeatedly. Rachel silently added her own prayers. She had long ago given up praying for her recovery. It was over. Just a matter of time. But every night she pleaded with God to bring her sister home. To be able to see Juliet just once before she died.

Rachel had been given a death sentence before, more than once, but this time it was different. She had fought the cancer the first time around, with Juliet by her side. The second time Juliet was gone. But still Rachel fought hard, thinking of the life growing inside of her. And right before Julian was born, Rachel went into sudden unexpected remission. It was a miracle. And she felt as if Juliet was watching over her somehow. Healing her. This time, the third and final time, she had fought hard again, for her son who would be all alone in the world without her. But this time she had met her match. She was told months ago she had only weeks to live. And she had fought hard, all these months, refusing to let go. She never stopped believing her sister would come home.

Rachel had never given up hope. But she knew something terrible must have happened, her sister would not have voluntarily disappeared like that. Not when she was so sick. Juliet would have been by her side if she could have been. And she wouldn't have missed the birth of her nephew. Something awful must have happened. Rachel knew it. But she also knew, in her heart, that Juliet was not dead. She was alive. She was out there somewhere. And Rachel never gave up hope that she would see her sister again.

Rachel used to read stories to her son on those nights they bought him to her bed. But now her eyesight was almost gone, from the insidious tumor that grew inside her brain. Then, she had told him stories from her imagination. But now she was far too breathless from the tumor growing insider her lungs to speak for long periods. So she listened instead as her son chatted on and on about his day.

Rachel was wasting away day by day, in agony. The pain killers only made her drowsy. This wasn't what she wanted her boy to remember when he thought of his mother. She resolved that this was the last time they would bring her son to see her.

She tried to keep her voice steady as she kissed her son goodnight for the last time. Tried not to be afraid what would become of the precious little boy who would be alone in the world without her. Rachel wanted more than anything, for Juliet to raise her son. She had hired detectives, searched high and low, and there was no trace of Juliet. As if she had just vanished. Still, Rachel clung to the hope that Juliet was out there, somewhere. That one day Julian would meet his aunt, the woman who made his life possible. One day they would be reunited, and Rachel would be watching down on them from heaven, and they would both feel her presence. And somehow things would be made right. It would all be worth it. Rachel had to believe it.

Julian had been happy lately, had come to see his mother, smiling and full of enthusiasm. He had a new nanny he seemed to adore. He came to see Rachel telling of his exciting adventures during the day. His life would go on, and she wanted that for him. Still, the jealousy stung her hearing the way Julian worshipped this other woman. It should be her spending the day with her son. It should be her making his face light up with joy. Not some stranger.

Julian was showing his mother pictures he had drawn with his new nanny. Rachel couldn't see them properly, her eyesight fading fast. But she smiled and told him they were beautiful. Her mind wandering as he chattered on about random things.

"This one is me." He said proudly pointing to his drawing. "Swimming in the river. Except I can't swim. But you're in my picture too, Mommy, and you'll save me from the river wont you?" He asked.

"Of course I will." Rachel answered, tears welling up in her eyes. Wondering how long before Julian stopped drawing his mommy in his pictures. Wondering who would watch over him and protect him when she was gone.

"Just like you saved your little sister from the river." Julian added.

Rachel's breath caught in her throat. She almost felt as if she could die right then and there. How had Julian known about that? Rachel had told him many things, of course, over and over, about what a miracle he was, and how his Aunty Juliet was the reason he was born. But she had never spoken to the boy about her childhood. It was too painful as she thought of all the plans she and Juliet had to relieve their girlhood days as they watched Rachel's baby grow up.

Rachel knew it. Instantly. Just knew it. Juliet had told the boy about it. Juliet had come. And Rachel felt a peace that she hadn't known in all the years her sister was missing.

"Who told you about that Julian?" She could scarcely catch her breath to ask the little boy.

"My new nanny." He answered. "She is the best."

"What did she tell you?"

"She told me that when you were little girls, you and Aunty Juliet, you were a naughty little girl Mom." Julian took pleasure in telling his mother this fact. "And you pushed your little sister in the river, even though she couldn't swim."

Rachel remembered it well. Juliet had been following her around all day, irritating her. Finally she had become so frustrated she had pushed the little girl into the river, thinking it was rather funny, forgetting that the little girl couldn't swim.

"I did." Rachel confessed. "But I didn't mean to. And I jumped in and saved her, didn't I?"

"Yes." Julian agreed. "You saved her. But you still got in a lot of trouble from your mom and dad."

Yes, she had been grounded for weeks, Rachel recalled.

"What is her name? Your nanny who told you this." Rachel wanted to know.

"Kassandra." Julian answered.

This confirmed in Rachel's heart the thing she had already known. Juliet had come home. Rachel remembered when they were both younger, and would play with their dolls. Juliet always called her dolls 'Kassandra.' Every single one. Rachel had changed the dolls names on a daily basis, sometimes Sarah, sometimes Rebecca, sometimes Elizabeth. But Juliet, always, chose the name Kassandra.

Rachel pulled her son close, for the last time, and kissed him goodnight. And then she asked the nurse to bring the nanny, 'Kassandra', to see her immediately.

Kassandra 

"The boy's mother wishes to speak with you." The nurse informed Kassandra as she tucked Julian into bed, the little boy fast asleep before his head hit the pillow.

"She can get very confused, the medication, makes her forget things." The nurse warned. "I can tell her you have already gone to bed if you prefer."

"It's alright" Kassandra answered. "I will see her." She took a deep breath as apprehension and doubt clouded her thoughts, and climbed the stairs to see Julian's mother. She thought about turning back, more than once, before she reached the top. But this is what she had come for, after all. The thing she had lived for. The thing that kept her alive all this time when every other shred of hope seemed to slip through her fingers. There was no turning back. This was her last chance.

As Kassandra arrived in the doorway, she could see Rachel squinting as she entered the room, trying hard to make out her features. She had been told the woman had poor eyesight. She wondered just how poor?

Kassandra felt the instant heartache emanating from the dying woman, her hopes dashed, the colour drained from her face. Julian's mother knew straight away, this woman, 'Kassandra', was not her sister Juliet.

"Who are you?" Rachel asked.

"Kassandra." Came the reply "Your son's nanny."

"You know my sister." It was a statement, not a question.

It would have been easier for Kassandra to say 'no', to leave this woman to die in peace. But Juliet had made her promise. '_If you ever get out of here, tell my sister I love her._ '

_'I will' Kate had promised, but the promise hadn't meant much at the time. Getting back to the real world seemed impossible._

'I don't want her to think I just left her, that I didn't care'

'I'm sure she doesn't think that.'

"I don't want her to think something terrible happened to me.'

But it did, Kate had wanted to reply. Something terrible happened to us all.

Juliet continued "Because it really hasn't been so bad. There is you. And all the things I've learned, about myself. The only thing I deeply regret, is leaving my sister behind. What must she think of me?"

Kate had wondered what it must be like, to have a reason to want to get home. She realised in that moment that she would have been quite happy to live out her life trapped on that island, if it meant having Juliet by her side. She seemed to fit in on the island. It was like starting all over a gain, with a clean slate. All the sins of the past thrown into the sea and forgotten. But she saw in Juliet's eyes, every day, how much she longed to go home. To her sister. Her nephew.

"Your sister wants me to tell you that she loves you very much." Kassandra said finally.

"You spoke to her? Is she alright?" Rachel asked breathlessly.

Now came the hard part. What could Kassandra tell this woman? Juliet didn't want Rachel to think she ran away and left her, nor that something terrible happened to her. And yet what other explanation was there? Would Rachel even believe the truth if Kassandra told it.

When Kassandra didn't answer right away, Rachel asked her "Are you an angel? Am I dead.?"

Kassandra laughed, she couldn't help it. "No one ever accused me of being an angel. And no, you're not dead." She answered. Not yet, is what she thought.

"My sister, Juliet , she is alive?" Rachel asked, with overwhelming hope that made Kassandra's heart ache and eyes water with tears.

"Yes." She said finally.

"She is aright." Rachel wanted to know.

"Yes." Kassandra answered again.

Then came the inevitable question. "Where is she? Why isn't she here?"

"She is coming." Kassandra answered softly. "Tonight. If you want to see her."

"If I want to see her?" Rachel asked disbelieving "Of course I want to see her."

"She wasn't sure. It's been a long time."

"It's the only thing I've lived for. To see my sister one last time before I die. I want her to meet Julian, I want her to take him, to look after him. I want them to look after each other. Isn't he a beautiful boy? Tell her about him, tell her how beautiful he is." Rachel pleaded.

"Tell her yourself." Kassandra answered as she smiled at the woman.

"Thank you." Rachel whispered, and with the last of her strength squeezed Kassandra's hand. "Whoever you are, thank you."

"Just close your eyes, rest." Kassandra said "You'll need all your strength when your sister arrives."

Rachel closed her eyes, and Kassandra sat for a few moments. Watching. Thinking to herself, _so this is Rachel. Rachel, so deeply beloved by Juliet. The reason she lived. The thing she asked of you, Rachel, Right here before your very eyes. _

After Rachel had fallen into a deep sleep, Kassandra pulled a syringe from her pocket and slowly injected the substance into the IV line. And she sat, silently, holding Rachel's hand, until Rachel was no longer breathing.

"There." She whispered. "Be with your sister."

Kassandra hadn't the heart to tell Rachel that Juliet was dead. That as Juliet lay dying in her arms on that God forsaken place, she had begged "If you ever get out of here, tell my sister I love her."

She had finally fulfilled Juliet's last wish. And she thought now about Rachel's last wish. It wasn't possible for Juliet to raise the boy, but neither would he end up in foster care for the rest of his childhood. 'Kassandra' would take him, love him as her own, and make sure he wanted for nothing. Julian already adored her. And so she hastily packed his things, and picked up the sleeping child in her arms.

Juliet would have adored this little boy, Kate thought to herself. She remembered the time she had found Juliet on the beach, holding Aaron tenderly in her arms, tears streaming down her face. Juliet looked unfamiliar in the soft glow of the firelight, holding that baby close, warmth in her expression. She had never pictured Juliet as the maternal type. Juliet swung around, defensively, explaining that the baby had been crying, and she had picked him up to soothe him. He looked so at peace in her arms, and Juliet looked down at him longingly as she explained about her nephew, Julian, whom she had never met. Looking back, it was that moment that Kate knew she had fallen in love with Juliet. The first moment Juliet had trusted her and opened up.

As she drove off into the night, the little boy asleep in the back seat, Kate knew that somewhere, somehow, Juliet was watching over them both. And Kate finally believed her own words as she whispered to the sleeping child, 'Don't worry, everything is going to be alright.'


End file.
